Feeling disconnected from your business connections?
The irony of our 'connected world' is that many people still feel disconnected. And for businesses growing online, there’s often disappointment when their online relationships don’t develop as they'd hoped. Is there an inherent problem with the medium, or is there something else? James West, co-founder of ONLE Networking, discusses how we can start to feel connected with our connections.
On the latest Adventures in Networking live show, we were joined by Dean McKenna and Anne Cutting from Cassia Digital Agency to discuss business trust: why it's so important in business, and why, in our digital, post-COVID culture of distrust, it’s so hard to come by.
Dean and Anne had gathered more than 450 responses from attendees at our networking meetings, asking what makes people distrust businesses. The biggest concerns were honesty, reliability and communication. Particularly damaging were businesses that talked at people rather than listening to them.
This is reassuring. Despite the technological changes of recent years, the fundamentals of trust and relationships haven't changed. We want to be treated as people and we want to be heard. And we build a picture of someone's credibility and professionalism by noticing their behaviours.
This led us to an interesting observation from Kelly:
“I’ve heard a lot of people describe video calls as ‘face-to-face meetings’ recently.”
This is an important development because it shows that people are evolving their thinking around online communications. The inference is clear:
Face-to-face doesn't necessarily mean in-person.
This statement might sound jarring, but think about it. Historically, 'face-to-face' meant 'in-person' because there was no other way. But technology has changed that. We can now look someone in the eye and have a proper conversation without being in the same room.
If I'm looking at you, listening to what you're saying, responding to your expressions and having a genuine two-way conversation, what exactly is missing? We're not in the same physical room. But we're still two people having a face-to-face conversation.
This matters because there's a persistent assumption that online communication is somehow inferior to meeting in person. That it's less natural, less personal or less effective at building meaningful relationships. But I’ve spent the last six years learning that those assumptions are not true. Why? Some of my closest business relationships are with people I've never met
“Remember: when you’re speaking online, there's a camera pointing at you! If you think we can't tell you're replying to emails while someone else is speaking, trust me, we can.”
James West, ONLE Networking
Is true connection possible - without ever meeting in person?
Through ONLE, I've developed relationships with people across the UK, Europe and the USA whom I've never met in person. Some of these people I now consider friends. We speak regularly through Zoom, text messages and voice notes. We share business challenges, ideas, experiences and sometimes things that have absolutely nothing to do with work.
These aren't superficial relationships that I'm somehow hoping will become 'real' when we eventually meet. They're already real. Will we meet in person one day? Maybe. Would it be nice? Absolutely. But would it fundamentally change our relationship? I don't think so.
Because what makes those relationships work isn't the technology or the distance between us. It's the fact that both people are committed to them. We make time for one another. We listen, remember, follow up and take an interest in what's happening in each other's lives. We don't need to be in the same room to do any of those things.
Is the screen the problem? Or the approach and mindset?
Meeting in person doesn't force someone to listen, engage or give you the time of day. If someone is determined to deliver a monologue and switch off the moment you start speaking, they'll do that in person too. If they've already decided you're not important, interesting or worth their time, they'll make that clear whether you're sitting opposite them or talking through a screen. And if someone has zero attention span and little interest in other people, they'll find a reason to reach for their phone in any environment.
The super connector who spent more time looking on his phone
I've met plenty of people who are hopeless at engaging online. I recently spoke to a self-proclaimed 'super connector' who spent 20 minutes selling AT me, before immediately picking up his phone and scrolling the MOMENT I started speaking. But I've also encountered plenty of people who behave just as badly in person. I've watched someone playing Candy Crush during a networking meeting and had people repeatedly glancing at their phones while pretending to listen to me.
Is this behaviour more common online? Maybe. But I suspect that's more about bad habits and a lack of self-awareness than anything inherently wrong with online conversations. Some people seem to think that because they're behind a screen, nobody will notice what they're doing.
Remember, when you’re speaking online, there's a camera pointing at you! If you think we can't tell you're replying to emails while someone else is speaking, trust me, we can!
So if you’re someone who says that online connections and networking don’t work, ask yourself some questions about your own behaviour and commitment to the interactions. If you treat it as a ‘less-than’ interaction, are you surprised that you get a less-than result?
If this has made you think about your own struggles to build true connections online, think about the consequences of the less-than attitude.
Firstly, you're eroding trust. Every time you claim to be interested in people, keen to help or passionate about building relationships, then demonstrate precisely the opposite through your behaviour, you're damaging your personal brand. People notice when you're not listening. They notice when you only become animated once the conversation turns to you. They remember how you made them feel. And they won’t want to build a relationship with you. If you’ve had lots of conversations that have gone nowhere, this might be why.
Secondly, you're missing the entire point of networking! If your strategy is to turn up, deliver your pitch, half-listen when everyone else speaks and wait for clients to contact you, prepare to be disappointed. Because you're not building relationships. You're simply broadcasting a sales message to people you've given very little reason to like or trust you.
Which brings us full circle to Dean and Anne's research into trust. Because for all the changes in how we communicate, we're still judging people on basic things:
• Does this person actually care about me?
• Are they interested in what I have to say?
• Do they respect me and my time?
• Is this a two-way relationship, or am I simply someone they want something from?
We're answering these questions, consciously or otherwise, every time we interact with someone. Our conclusions determine whether trust grows or erodes. These mental calculations happen whether we're meeting in a coffee shop, talking on Zoom or exchanging messages on LinkedIn.
And that's why I think Kelly's observation about 'face-to-face' conversations is so important. Many people are still treating online interactions as separate from the real world. This is so ingrained that we even have an expression for meeting someone offline: IRL, or 'in real life'."
But the people you’re talking to online aren’t avatars. They're real people, with real businesses, challenges, interests and lives beyond the little rectangle on our screens. So the next time you're on a video call, exchanging DMs or replying to someone's comment, picture the actual person you're communicating with. Someone who has chosen to give you a sliver of their time and attention, and who deserves the same in return.
Every interaction is an opportunity to create a relationship, strengthen an existing one or build a little more trust. It doesn't have to lead to a sale, a referral or any immediate outcome. Sometimes it's simply a chance to get to know another human being. And if we're serious about building meaningful connections, that's where we need to start.
“There's a real person on the other side of every interaction. Don't waste the opportunity.”
Adventures in Networking is a podcast based on a monthly LinkedIn Live James presents with his wife and fellow ONLE Networking co-founder, Kelly West.
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