10 habits that wreck your networking (and how to flip them)

After nearly 25 years of networking, James West, co-founder of ONLE Networking, has met plenty of people who get a ridiculous amount out of every event they attend. And many more who feel frustrated that those rewards aren’t coming their way. So why do some people thrive while others give up or soldier on despite the painful lack of results? The good news is: it’s not blind luck - it’s habits.

You’ll be pleased to hear that those who succeed at business aren’t always the loudest, the slickest or the most extroverted. Those are the people we assume are great at networking. But believe me, I’ve met many loud, confident people who are hopeless at networking! The good news is that the ones who succeed at networking are simply the ones who have taken the time to understand how it actually works.

And the ones who struggle?

It’s not because they lack some innate ability. It’s usually because they’ve unknowingly picked up habits that quietly sabotage their efforts. The good news is that every one of these habits is understandable — and every one of them is fixable with a little awareness and practice.

Here are ten of the biggest networking habits that hold people back… and how to flip them.

1. Treating networking like luck, not a skill

A lot of people approach networking as if it’s a lottery. You show up, say your bit, shake a few hands and hope the universe aligns. But networking is a skill, not a numbers game. It’s built on psychology — especially the reality that human beings can only maintain around 150 meaningful relationships, known as Dunbar’s number.

That means every person you meet sits at the centre of a web of 150 others. You’re never just meeting one person; you’re meeting their world.

I’ve lost count of the number of times someone has said to me after an event:

“I’m not sure how many sales I’ll get from this.”

They weren’t being rude — they were being honest about a mindset. They saw the room as a shopfront: “I turned up. Where’s my buyer?”

But networking isn’t about stumbling across the perfect prospect. It’s about building the behaviours that unlock those 150-person networks over time.

How to flip it:

Treat networking the way you’d treat public speaking or negotiation — as a skill you can learn, practise and refine. When you assume it’s random, you give up control. When you treat it as a craft to learn, you’ll start to notice the people who are succeeding and why. You’ll soon realise their habits are not complicated.

“I’ve never heard someone complain about the person at networking who said too little. Reserve your energy and the airtime for listening and building relationships.”

James West, ONLE Networking

2. Seeing only the prospect — and missing the branch they sit on

This is one of the most common and most damaging habits I’ve seen over the years.

People look around a meeting — say 18 people — and think:

“None of these are my buyers.”

What they miss is that each person has up to 150 meaningful relationships. So a room of 18 people isn’t 18 opportunities — it’s access to 2,700 people, once trust develops.

This is where people confuse prospecting with networking:

• Prospecting asks: Will you buy from me?

• Networking asks: Can I become memorable and referable within your network?

When you hard-sell the person directly in front of you, you shrink the opportunity down to one individual and often push them away. When you build trust, clarity and rapport, they become the gateway to people you’d never reach otherwise.

I’ve watched huge opportunities appear years after the first meeting — not because of who was in the room, but because of who those people later introduced.

How to flip it:

Stop seeing dead ends. Start seeing branches. Every person you meet carries a network far larger than themselves — but only if you earn the right to be mentioned within it.

3. Talking too much… and saying nothing

Across thousands of meetings, I’ve rarely seen someone lose opportunities because they said too little. But I’ve seen countless people bury their message under so much detail that nobody remembers a thing.

Your introduction has one job: signpost the problem you solve or the improvement you create.

That’s it.

Once you’ve planted that seed, you stop. You give people something clean and memorable to hold onto — a cue they can recognise in their world.

That’s why specialists like Jim Culverwell are so memorable. His introduction is concise, confident and consistent. Not loud. Not long. Clear. Mention commercial property anywhere in Hampshire or Dorset, and people think of him. That’s not luck — that’s discipline.

How to flip it:

Say less. I’ve never heard someone complain about the person at networking who said too little. Tackle one problem. Address one audience. Give one example. Let your follow-up conversations do the heavy lifting. Reserve your energy — and the airtime — for listening and building relationships.

4. Turning up… but not actually networking

Here’s something I’ve observed more times than I can count: people attend a meeting, listen passively, say their piece, and leave the room convinced they’ve “done their networking”.

But they never made a note. Never followed up. Never really connected.

I rarely attend in-person events these days, but at one I recently attended, more than 30 people introduced themselves. Only three people in the room wrote anything down. And without the luxury of on-screen names or the ability to tab open their Linkedin profile, which I’ve come to rely on as an online networker, how will these people follow up? Or even remember who they met?

The sad fact is: they won’t.

If you have no record of who said what, who interested you, or who you want to speak to afterwards, you’ve just sat in a room — you haven’t networked.

I’ve also seen people arrive late, sit on laptops, answer emails, deliver their pitch, and dash. That’s not networking. That’s relocation.

How to flip it:

Capture names and opportunities to break the ice. Use the room before, during and after the meeting. Liked something someone said? Talk to them. Start the conversation. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like to talk about themselves. I’ve met plenty who don’t want to be sold at. And remember: the event is the start of the work, not the work itself.

5. Expecting instant results — and skipping the relationship bit

I’ve watched people give a brilliant intro, have a great meeting, then walk away disappointed because no one bought from them immediately.

Networking is not a vending machine: insert pitch, receive sale.

Real results come after the meeting — in the messages, calls, coffees, Zooms and chats that develop trust.

At an event my wife and co-founder Kelly attended recently, every attendee scanned a QR code for her resource. Awareness was perfect. But immediate sales? Zero. Because the event wasn’t the conversion moment — it was the introduction. Trust still had to be built.

How to flip it:

See meetings as icebreakers. Your job afterwards is simple: take the next small step. A conversation beats a pitch. A relationship beats a transaction.

6. Being “consistent” at the wrong things

People think consistency means showing up everywhere, all the time. But consistency only helps if the behaviour itself is helpful.

Posting daily with no engagement isn’t consistency — it’s noise. Attending meeting after meeting without becoming part of that group of people in any of them isn’t consistency — it’s drifting from network to network.

The people who stand out are the ones who:

• Turn up reliably

• Follow through on what they said

• Reinforce a clear message over time

How to flip it:

Be consistent with the behaviours that build trust, not the ones that fill time.

7. Refusing to invest in others (but expecting them to invest in you)

This one really matters. At the same event I mentioned earlier that Kelly attended, someone introduced themselves, said they’d love to be part of her world and ONLE… but then added:

“I don’t spend money on business things.”

What they really meant was:

“I want access to your network, but I won’t invest in anyone else’s.”

Real life is real life. Budgets are tight. Circumstances vary. But networking doesn’t require a big wallet; it requires a willingness to contribute.

If your stance is “I take, but never give”, people feel that — and they quietly back away.

How to flip it:

Invest in others however you can — with your attention, your introductions, your support, your encouragement, or when possible, your wallet. Reciprocity fuels trust.

8. Looking down on small businesses… while being one

It’s surprisingly common to hear:

“I want bigger clients. There aren’t enough big businesses in this room.”

Then you ask how many people are in their own company… and the answer is: one.

People forget something vital:

Micro-businesses are connected to clients, partners, friends, families, communities, suppliers, colleagues and former employers. They might be a new solo founder now, but where do you think they were before they set up on their own? Probably that big corporate you’d love an intro to.

And if you’re hoping to reach one of their connections in future, remember how you made them feel. Because if you make someone feel unimportant, small or inconvenient, they won’t just ignore you — they’ll avoid you, and they’ll certainly never introduce you to the people you do want to meet.

How to flip it:

Treat every business with respect. Today’s solo founder could be tomorrow’s decision-maker — or already be connected to one.

9. Waiting for others to make the first move

I hear this often:

“No one reached out to me after the meeting.”

And I gently ask:

“Did you reach out to anyone?”

Nine times out of ten, the answer is no.

Networking isn’t passive. People are busy. Vague invitations like “Let’s all have 1:1s!” or “I’d like Instagram followers” rarely lead anywhere. But you will remember the person who took the initiative, asked you for a conversation, connected on LinkedIn or left a thoughtful comment on your post.

How to flip it:

Initiate. Don’t wait. Keep it simple and show you’re interested — it proves you’re here to build relationships, not just to receive attention.

10. Wanting a helpful network without being helpful

Lots of people want a supportive network. Fewer people create one.

Bernie Wales, a long-time member of the ONLE community, puts it well:

“Seek first to help another, then to be helped.”

That is networking in one line.

If you don’t take an interest in others, they have no reason — and no emotional prompt — to take an interest in you. Helpfulness doesn’t have to be grand or exhausting.

It’s often just one of these:

• A thoughtful comment

• A warm introduction

• A moment of encouragement

• Remembering something they said

People help those who make helping easy.

How to flip it:

Be a small, steady source of support. It compounds.

Want to learn how to consistenly turn networking into real business results?

I’ve put together a free resource bundle that walks you through the principles we teach inside ONLE — including an on-demand webinar where I explain exactly how to turn networking conversations into real sales, without pressure or awkwardness.

Access the free How to Network Online bundle here:
https://theonle.network/how-to-network-online-webinar-landing