Are you trapped in the business networking paradox?
Most people go to networking events to grow their business. They want to pitch, find clients, and generate leads. But here’s the strange thing—the harder you push for results, the less you get. James West, co-founder of ONLE Networking explains the networking paradox - and how to escape it.
When I first attended a business networking event (a BNI event in the early 2000s), I had one agenda - find some clients. I failed. In fact, I failed so spectacularly that I didn’t go back for six months.
I remember feeling almost cheated - I’d paid to attend, woken up stupidly early, given my pitch and DIDN’T GET ANY BUSINESS.
My first opinion of business networking? A big waste of time.
Yet here I am, running a networking business and reflecting on how much I owe to business networking, personally and professionally.
So why such a dramatic change? What was the defining factor that transformed networking from a “waste of time” to the most important element in my business success?
Simply put, I solved the business networking paradox, which is this:
“To get the results you want from business networking, do the exact opposite of what you WANT to do.”
To get sales, support and help from networking, our instinct is to ask for those things. We hear it all the time at networking meetings: “Hi, I’d like referrals/introductions to people who want my service/Instagram likes/newsletter sign-ups etc.
I get it. We want something from networking. So we ask for it. It’s the logical thing to do.
However, that is the paradox at work. The more you push for the ‘thing’ you want at networking, the harder it becomes to get it!
Have you noticed that the people who pitch the hardest—the ones who jump straight into the sales, take over conversations and back you into a corner - rarely get the results they’re after?
That’s because networking isn’t about selling. It’s about trust. Consistency. Earning credit with the people you meet. The people who get the most help at networking are the ones who help others. It’s human nature: we help people we like and care about, and who care about us in return. We’re unlikely to do that for strangers or selfish, “I’m just here to get what I can get and I don’t care about you” people.
The Power of Doing the Opposite
If you approach someone with an agenda to sell, they sense it. If you start a conversation with someone by transparently revealing your agenda to gain something, they switch off. The conversation stalls before it even begins.
“The more you push for the ‘thing’ you want at networking, the harder it becomes to get it! That is the business networking paradox at work.”
James West,
ONLE Networking
So what’s the better approach? Simple—stop trying to sell or get help from everyone you meet. Instead, focus on the person in front of you.
Ask questions. Listen. Be curious. Show genuine interest in them, not just as a potential client but as a person.
And this is where the paradox reveals itself. When you let go of the need to sell, people start talking. They relax. They tell you what they really need, in an unguarded way. And suddenly, you’re not pitching—you’re spotting real ways to help them. They sense this. They appreciate your interest and help. And guess what? That’s when they are more likely to listen and try to help you.
Opportunities Come When You Least Expect Them
When people feel listened to, they trust you. And trust creates business. When you stop pushing, you open the door to connections that matter. These conversations might not lead to an instant sale, but they build relationships that lead to business in the long run.
The irony? The people who don’t focus on selling are the ones who end up making the most sales. Because when the time comes to buy, people turn to those they trust.
How I Discovered This Firsthand
I learned this the hard way. Like most people, I started networking thinking it was about getting in front of as many people as possible and telling them what I do. But the real magic happened when I stopped worrying about sales and started focusing on (and valuing) every relationship.
Instead of pitching, I had conversations. Instead of trying to convince people, I listened. And that’s when the best opportunities started appearing - effortlessly. The people in my network started opening doors for me - with connections and opportunities which formed the bedrock of my businesses. All because I’d broken out of the networking paradox.
Try This at Your Next Event
Next time you go to a networking event, dial DOWN your pitch. Yes, you want to tell people what you do. But keep it succinct. And most importantly, make your agenda about learning about others:
Ask questions before asking for help.
Focus on getting to know the person, not selling to them.
Be helpful with no agenda beyond building a relationship.
And see what happens. The results might surprise you.
Ready to network differently? Visit an ONLE Networking and experience what happens when you put people first. Use the discount code ONLEHELLO to book your visit to any of our online networking meetings for just £5.